I have been learning about Abraham from the Bible recently
and am struck by his faith. I read this quote… “Like Abraham, we are called to
regard ourselves as mere sojourners
in this world, not so much because earth is fleeting and its values are
transient, but because our true affinities are with the unseen and the
eternal…Abraham was willing to wander because God called him to do so; he was
separated from home and kin in order to be separated to God…” [Dwight Hervey Small].
God told him to go to a land he’d never seen, and he went. God
promised him that he and his wife (who were near 100 years old at the time)
would bear a child after they had never been able to conceive. Can you imagine?
Being in your 90’s and becoming pregnant for the first time and having to do
those sleepless nights, nursing, etc. That idea probably sounds RIDICULOUS! And
in fact, Sarah (Abraham’s wife) laughed at the thought. Probably more out of
disbelief than out of disrespect…because in spite of how impossible the idea
sounded to her, God asked, “Is anything too hard or too wonderful for the
Lord?” (Genesis 18:14).
I was struck by their faith. And their patience. Their
unwavering commitment to leave what they knew and to embark on a journey where
they may never see the things promised to them…but their descendents would. And
they still obeyed. F.B. Meyer said, “it was his unquestioning obedience that
endeared him to God”. I want to have that unquestioning obedience.
We have come to a fork in the road and must make a decision
on which way we are going to go. Do we stay at FamilyLife? Do we start back
into the construction field? If so, do we do that in Arkansas or do we move
back to Illinois?
We’ve been praying. And praying. And praying for direction.
We’ve counseled with people, done a bible study, hashed it through and through
and yet have not reached a decision…or even something mirroring a close
decision. Each day it seems like we are on opposite pages…one wanting to stay
here and the other wanting to move back and then the next day it switches.
Did I expect to fall in love with the south? No. Did I
expect to fall in love with ARKANSAS?! No way. But I did. I had no idea 2 years
ago when we moved here and began to meet people that they would begin to feel
like family to us. I had no idea that I would experience this depth of
community and richness of friendships. Our lives have been ruined [in a good
way] by moving here. We are different people now than we were when we came. God
has done some painful and major cleaning out & remodeling in our hearts &
our marriage during our time here. My heart is tangled into this place and I
don’t know where the end is to unravel it…I don’t think I ever want to.
Do I often miss IL? Yes, of course. Did I think it would be
hard to be away from family, especially now with a baby? Yes, very. Do I yearn
for the nearness of my family and friends up there & to be able to do life
with them again? Yes. I miss them. Do I worry things will be completely
different if we move back? Yes. Thoughts like “Will I fit in anymore?”, “Will
my friends still be my friends?”, “Will I survive those winters again?”, “Will
I forget so quickly this life?”...but my heart is tangled there, too. Deeply.
And yet sometimes I just want to run in a completely
different direction as fast as I can from either of these because it “feels”
easier…I can irrationally trick myself into thinking it wouldn’t hurt as bad if
I just ran from both places I love so much…and what? Get my heart tangled
somewhere else too? Bad idea.
There is a song that I’ve been repeatedly listening to
lately…there is something about it that resonates with every fiber of where I
am at right now. The chorus can be applied to anyone. It’s one of those songs
that I just need to hear over and
over. The line is simple. So simple. Yet it is so comforting through this
unknown time.
“I don’t know what you’re doing, but I know Who You are” [JJ
Heller- Who You Are].
Haven’t I been here before? In this very seat? Wondering
what is next or how I’m going to make it through this next season? I mean, yes,
the circumstances are completely different but my God is the same. He’s
faithful. I’ve been learning about trusting the names of God and I don’t think
it’s any mistake that this song has caught my attention at the same time… in
order to know Who God is, I have to know Who He is. Isn’t it through the
hardest times in my life that God has shown me, drawn me, taught me and held me
in such a deep embrace? So, though this decision seems at times- daunting,
life-changing, scary, unknown, full of challenges…. I know that the same God who
has led me through valleys and mountains will not only be present but is
working good and is working in ways beyond our understanding.
So stayed tuned….eventually we will be making this decision!
